How to play the Michael Bay ‘Ambulance’ movie review drinking game

A few decades ago, an older, wiser critic—we paraphrase a bit here—said that the problem wasn’t that we were plagued by bad films, but now that we are same Bad movie over and over again. This doubles as the work of director Michael Bay, whose work can be divided into two basic categories: Blockbusters where giant robots explode, and films where normal humans explode. However, they are almost the same movie, regardless of whether they take place in deep space, old prisons turned into tourist traps, clone islands, or Miami. The storytelling tends to be less complex than cave paintings, the volume is 111, the focus is on sound and fury implying that nothing is missing, and the overall effect is designed to leave viewers dumbfounded and confused, not necessarily in that order. Scream “vulgar autism” all you want – Pai specializes in making a bustling fast food cinema that’s high in calories and low on nutrition. Either you consider this an advantage or a precursor to the end of the world.

Thus, people lucky enough to see motion pictures and then write about them professionally tend to find themselves writing not just reviews of bad movies, but the same review of a bad movie over and over again. These movies are rubbish with a lower common denominator, just because you can show huge explosions and smash sports cars endlessly doesn’t mean you have to, all of these endless movies are just too bad to be exhilarating or even feel guilty, Oh yada yada It is, frankly, tiring for you and us. Rather than just repeating the same old arguments and traits of Bay’s last group of Boom, crash, pow, squawk And capellas, We’ll try something a little different.

Ambulance About two brothers, Will (guardsYahya Abdul-Mateen II) and Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal), who find themselves in the middle of a bank robbery that has gone badly bad. Too wrong. (Wait, they’re brothers, you ask? Yes, Danny’s father took Will in his childhood. Several people also expressed bewilderment at this fact during the film. They were soon greeted by an aerol.) They ended up grabbing an ambulance – see title – as an emergency getaway car. Along the journey is an EMT (Isa Gonzalez) and a seriously injured policeman (Jackson White). An LAPD Special Operations unit, an FBI agent, a group of helicopters and nearly 72,000 black and white police cruisers chase crooks and their hostages throughout Los Angeles. Is this all just an excuse to show off the firepower and fireballs, albeit for less than the usual budget (a mere $40 million, which is roughly the cost of tuning one adapter)? Yeah. Yes it is.

So, as a general service to our readers – because we love you, we really do, Is that true like you! – We have created a drinking game to play while watching this wonderful composition. While we do not condone excessive consumption of alcohol, the infiltration of spirits and other beverages on the stage, or any display of public intoxication, we also do not believe that you should put up with Ambulance while being sober. By the way, if you are in recovery, we extend our sincere congratulations. We also recommend that you go to see Sonic the Hedgehog 2 While that.

Eza Gonzalez as Camille

Eza Gonzalez

Universal Pictures

Beginner’s Tour

Take a sip of your favorite bran or IPA:

~ There is a shot of something – a hand, head, building, pistol and/or pistols – shot with the sun behind it, thus highlighting the object in question with too much wattage. Take two sips if the element is the American flag, blowing majestically in the breeze.

~Someone mentions Will’s military service. A former Marine touring Afghanistan (thank you for your service, sir), we met him when he was on the phone with a veterans center, trying to get some information regarding payments for his wife’s cancer treatments. He soon found himself wearing the top hat and a whole lot of huge bureaucratic tactics. It’s this tricky spot, in fact, that forces Will to visit his under-doing brother and ask for a loan. Take a couple of sips if you agree that the way the government treats its war veterans is shoddy, shameful and infuriating. Take three sips if you feel a movie taking advantage of this idea so he can crash cars on a 405 isn’t cool either.

~ If you’re convinced that Danny’s crew of criminal cohorts came from Central Casting. (Wanted: burly, bearded men who look like former Navy SEALs. Must have been inspired by the random reference to brave heart.) As with the elite Los Angeles law enforcement squad chasing the bank they’re about to rob, they’ve been tracking Danny for a while and feel that this time, they’ve finally made him where they want him!

~in the idea that a perfectly planned heist by one socially awkward police officer can be undone who is too sensitive for a bank teller. In fact, this is our favorite plot point in the entire movie. Cheers , Ambulance.

~When the great crossfire that takes place between cops and crooks on the streets of Los Angeles reminds you of the big piece in the heat. Take two sips from every shot that makes you realize you can watch it the heat At home now, doing this exact same sequence is much, much better and with more A-to-B coherence. Take 3 steps if you’re just watching crack for thieves Rather at this point.

~ When you know – you know – that Gonzalez’s EMT will be described as “the best paramedic in the business”, but no one wants her partner to be with her Because it is a loose cannon. (Spoiler: She’s the best paramedic in the business, but no one wants to be her partner because she’s a loose cannon.)

~ If the presence of a large dog that belongs to the commander of a special operations unit is a factor in the narrative in some way. Two sips from each reaction shot involve the dog looking humorously confused by something.

~ Every time a drone shot occurs. My God, There are a lot of drone footage in this movie Pressing the sides of buildings, buzzing over actors’ heads, flying in the opposite direction of oncoming traffic or while a group of people is running toward the camera. Did Michael Bay get a drone for Christmas? It feels like every other action sequence, and a slew of inaction sequences, are cut into a corner filmed from a speeding camera mounted on a drone. And while we understand that when you’re working with just $40 million you have to work in different, more creative ways, the barrage of snorkeling and diving shots here is less likely to excite you and more likely to cause mass vomiting. (rolling rock Cannot be held liable for any damages that occur while adhering to the rule.)

Jake Gyllenhaal as Danny Sharp in Ambulance, directed by Michael Bay.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Andrew Cooper / Universal Pictures

intermediate round

Drop a shot of bourbon:

~ When someone in Ambulance Refers to other Michael Bay films. At some point, someone quotes a line from the rock And then, if you don’t realize where it came from, reply, “the rock! “When two policemen get out of a squad car, someone does an act bad boys broke down. There may be others we missed. The ego has fallen.

~When you think of yourself, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is one of the most compelling actors to work today, and you hope he comes out of this disaster unscathed. Take two shots every time you see hints of “Crazy Jake” starting to appear in Jake Gyllenhaal’s performance. You know Crazy Jake, right? This is the star’s unpredictable, unpredictable, uninterrupted alter ego and eyes that appear in films like Okja, Velvet Buzzsaw, some pieces of Spider-Man: Far From Home And every second of the classic movie “Mr. Draw Music”. Take three shots if you want him to simply transform his social half from that tense Cain-and-Able proverb into the full Crazy Jake marathon.

~Every time you realize that Garret Dillahunt is a weird patriotic treasure, and that every movie demands a captain a bit nervous, often ungainly, too confident and too devious for an anti-theft commando unit, you should cast him in the role, a complete hiatus. Two shots when he jokes Doogie Howser and someone tells him “Okay, Boomer.” Three shots for the way someone calls a “silverlake liberal.”

~ Whenever Bey and his cinematographer Roberto de Angelis move their camera in and out of a bullet hole in the ambulance’s rear window. He is very Careful with this.

~If a car chase involves someone driving the wrong way on the Los Angeles Highway it reminds you of the big piece Live and Die in Los Angeles Take two snapshots of every moment you realize you might be watching Live and Die in Los Angeles At home now instead.

~When Will is going through a very tearful and emotional moment that involves his family – especially his infant son, nicknamed “Big Man Tate”. Take two shots if you mistakenly think Big Man Tate is the name of one of Jodie Foster’s movies.

Jake Gyllenhaal as Danny Sharp in Ambulance, directed by Michael Bay.

Ambulance (Medium)

Universal Pictures

advanced tour

Ring out a dose of this gentle Everclear:

~If you thought LA ​​River would somehow not play a major role in this movie at some point. (Spoiler: It is.)

~ When a vintage R&B, Soul or Top 40 song comes into the soundtrack. Two Takes If one of those songs inspired an unexpected – and inexplicable – lyric. Three shots if “sailing” for Christopher Cross.

~If you didn’t know this movie is a 2005 Danish remake. (We drink, like we didn’t know, either). Two shots If you realize that after a bit of searching online, you can be home and watch the original at home now.

~ If you somehow think that a muscle car with a mannequin and a gatling gun inside it won’t be running at some point. (spoiler: will)

~ Once you realize that this movie is 136 minutes long.

~When you start to question the life choices you’ve made and thus lead you to where you are sitting at this very moment.

~ If you’re going to literally kill to see a giant robot appear and transform into a bulldozer or plane from something, just crush the 90 percent of the people responsible for that noise.